Where to Go From Here
Holding on to Anger and Hope
I didn’t quite finish the newsletter I was writing yesterday before the day ended, so I’m sending it now. I’ve just made a new batch of veggie soup and an apple crisp, and now I’m sat at my computer with a pot of tea (I have a teapot now!), editing poems I wrote last month.
I have come to like Mondays. A frequent and reliable new beginning. And right now, a new beginning feels needed.
For me, October passed in a whirlwind, and then November came and it felt like the world had ended. I had planned to write a newsletter at the beginning of this month, but then thought I’d wait till after the election, sure I would feel better once the election-anxiety had ended, reassured that the world was not so broken. I had started writing an essay on growing up in America under the threat of gun violence, then thought it was too preemptively gloomy. Evidently, things did not go as I had hoped. I was hesitant to be so sure about the outcome of the election beforehand, remembering the shock in November 2016 — how could the polls be so off? How could we be so surprised by the results? And then it happened again. The first few days after the election passed by in a fog, my sleep schedule that I had worked so hard in September to fix ruined. I was oscillating between grief and anger and disbelief and fear. In 2016, I was too young to vote. It’s worse now, to know what damage is coming again, and to have voted and not have felt heard. Talking with friends and professors helped, even though I wanted to isolate under my duvet and not see anyone. My mom and sister were visiting last week and that helped too, to be with family and have a break in my daily routine.
And now it’s Monday again, and it’s nearly freezing and the sky is so blue. The world is still turning, and the sun still rises. Some of the good things from this election: the people of New York passed Prop 1, adding to the state constitution protections against discrimination based on one’s body. I won’t rehash all the election results here, as I’m sure by now people have seen the smaller wins that point towards hope for a more fair, more liberal country.
I think it was important let the grief and fear and despair happen, to sit with those emotions and feel, but now that has passed and I’m holding on to the anger. One sentiment that I have seen floating around various social media platforms (I’m on bluesky now by the way) is to not submit preemptively to what will come. Don’t lie down and take it before it happens. We keep trying to make the world a better and mroe accepting place. We keep trying.
Since this newsletter was originally to document my life in Scotland as I pursue my MFA, I’ll give a little update:
I’ve been doing the prep work to teach my first class next semester, which I am so excited about. I’m finishing up the administrative side of things this week and then onto fleshing out my syllabus, which is fully organised at this point, I just need to decide which poems and readings I’m going to give my students.
I have been writing towards my dissertation collection and experimenting more with the form of my poems. I was already writing about the reproductive system and medical and bodily topics, but now that feels much more focused.
For giving hope, and for maybe convincing more people to turn to poetry, I want to recommend this conversation between the poet Ada Limón and Krista Tippet in February 2023 for On Being. The audio is great, and there’s also a transcript in the link if you prefer.
This week’s poem is by Ada Limón, from her 2018 collection The Carrying, published by Milkweed Editions. I first read this poem while at college, and I often came back to it during my final semester.
What I’m Reading: Ocean by Sue Goyette, frank: sonnets by Diane Seuss
What I’m Watching: the Royal Ballet and Opera recently added free access to their streaming platform for people with a Young RBO account (free to make, you just need to be 16-25) so I’ve been watching recordings and bts footage on there
What I’m Listening To: A Very Laufey Holiday (EP) by Laufey, Short n’ Sweet by Sabrina Carpenter, my on a wednesday in a café playlist
What I’m Loving: spending time in Toppings (in Edinburgh and St Andrews), the amount of blue sky I’ve seen in the past week, the Instagram account @sirfurr